The Worst Holidays in America

Grace Staggs, Writer

Holidays are everywhere in the United States. It seems as if everyday is meant to celebrate something different, which is great; holidays bring cheer and a sense of community to everyone who participates in their celebrations.

However, with so many holidays, there are bound to be at least a couple of duds. There are five holidays in particular that just do not quite add up. Here they are, the top five worst holidays in order from least horrible to most horrible.

5. Groundhog Day: Although an iconic movie came out of this trainwreck of a holiday, nothing else truly beneficial comes from this day. Let’s look at the facts. A mammal who hides underground is not a meteorologist. says that the groundhog actually only has a 37% accuracy rate.

Even if by accident, the groundhog should, statistically speaking, be right more often than that. In grade terms, that’s an F. And not just any F, that is a low, low F. That’s the kind of F that gets your phone taken away. So, since we can’t take away the groundhogs phone, let’s take away his holiday.

4. Cyber Monday: Thursday is Thanksgiving, Friday is Black Friday, and Monday is Cyber Monday. Black Friday sort of makes sense (even though it shouldn’t be classified as a holiday necessarily), but Cyber Monday is basically just piggy-back riding on Black Friday. It isn’t even really its own holiday.

Cyber Monday is basically a poorly made sequel to an already iffy book. And, it’s on a Monday. No one likes Mondays. By Monday, we are off of our long weekend that we get from Thanksgiving and everyone is back in school or work, so why would anyone think it is a good idea to drop a holiday there?

3. Flag Day: Okay who thought of this one. Seriously? A whole day to celebrate flags? I can’t say I understand this at all.

2. Sweetest Day: This is a holiday celebrated in October, and it is a travesty. Sweetest Day is, more or less, Valentine’s Day (another pointless holiday). These two days are instances of romantic obligation – in what way is that romantic? If you need a holiday to be sweet to your sweetheart, you are doing it all wrong.

1. Columbus Day: Christopher Columbus sailed the ocean blue, in 1492. While on his journey, disease he did spread, as he cheered while he watched how the Native Americans bled. Raping and killing, Columbus held nothing back, and that is why this holiday is wack.