Dear Delaney: Secrets, losing feelings and cheating
Delaney Jackson, Students Writer
November 8, 2016
My best friend and her boyfriend broke up last month because he ‘lost feelings’ for her. She was heartbroken and still doesn’t seem completely over the break up. Since then, he and I have become really good friends, talk everyday, and I can really feel myself falling for him. Should I go for it with him? How can I keep her as a friend and date him?
– Best Friend?
If you really do want to be with this guy, you have to be willing to accept that your friend may want some distance. One month is a pretty short amount of time to expect her to recover completely from the breakup and it would be wise to wait at least another month for two reasons. 1. Your friend is still trying to get over the break up! Just weeks ago, they were happily dating and it would be unnecessarily painful for her to watch him have such a quick turnaround. 2. Another month will show whether your feelings are real or fleeting for this guy. One month truly is not enough time to decide that he is worth the possible sacrifice of a friendship. Keep in mind that high school relationships tend to end more frequently and quickly than ‘best friendships’, so make sure that you are willing to risk the loss of your friend.
This situation is tough because you cannot change how you feel; however, you can choose to put your friend first. Even if you decide that you want to be with him, be completely honest with your friend about it because she deserves to know. Explain to her that you care about her and do not want to hurt her, but have to follow what you are feeling. You should be prepared for how she reacts and realize that this is a really sensitive situation for many people.
I have noticed my girlfriend being pretty secretive with her phone recently. We have been dating for 7 months and things have been great but recently, she is on her phone way more when we are together and I’ve noticed her turning off her phone when I look towards it. Should I ask her about it and trust her? Or would it be more reliable to get on her phone when she’s out of the room?
– Skeptical
Before you do anything, you need to ask yourself how you would want her to act in this situation. Would you want her going behind your back to scroll through your phone? Probably not. With any relationship, but especially one lasting over 6 months, you should have a strong foundation of trust and communication to stand on in a situation like this. Go straight to her and confront her about how you feel! She deserves to know what is bothering you and deserves a chance to defend herself before you look through her phone and jump to any conclusions. If you are afraid that she will be angry with you because of your feelings, there are deeper problems that you would later have to deal with.
I met this girl in class and recently we have been hanging out alone at each others’ houses. I know it isn’t right because she has a boyfriend and our relationship is way past just friends but I really like her. I’ve started to really want her all to myself but she doesn’t want to break up with her boyfriend. Should I keep fueling her cheating on her boyfriend? How do I get her to myself?
– Boyfriend #2
Well the first thing you need to consider is if this is the type of girl you want to be with. Understand that her cheating on her boyfriend with you makes her more likely to cheat again. Clearly if she is not willing to sacrifice to be with you now, she is not wanting any serious commitment with you and, even though it hurts, you have to accept that. You should end the relationship with her because if you continue, you are enabling her to make morally destructive decisions that will harm her and those around her. Explain to her that you care about her but cannot support what she is doing. It is clear that you care about this girl and by ending the relationship, you could be helping her in the long run.
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