Thanksgiving Expectation:
Your family sits down to a beautiful dinner, the table impeccably set. Everyone is genuinely thankful and is excited to spend a day bonding over good food and football. It is a near replica of Norman Rockwell’s classic painting “Freedom from Want”.

Thanksgiving Reality:
The turkey is dry, the adults are drunk, passive aggressive political arguments become just plain aggressive and your loud, racist uncle won’t shut up. You sit at the kids table surrounded by screaming, gravy covered children trying to make conversation with the cousin you’ve deemed as the most tolerable family member. By 3 o’clock in the afternoon, everyone is either hiding out, passed out or drunkenly yelling at the TV.

Thanksgiving is inarguably the most uncomfortable family gathering. It falls right after election season, it’s likely you haven’t seen your whole family since last Christmas and there are no entertaining and distracting festivities. If you’re dreading Thanksgiving with your family, take a look at these tips.

1. Find your favorite family member. Stay near that family member.
2. Pile your food high and don’t come back into the kitchen unless absolutely necessary. This reduces risk of getting into an awkward conversation with a family member who still thinks you’re 12.
3. Don’t draw attention to your plate. If you take too little, you’re family will say that you need to put meat on your bones. Too much, and grandma will start joking and pointing at your stomach with a look that is too judgmental to come from 75 year old woman.
4. Avoid eye contact. Family members may see eye contact either as an invitation for conversation or as a threat. Both are equally as bad.
5. Find a space you can escape. This may be a bedroom, basement, or bathroom. Anyplace that will block out the noise and allow you to get on your phone without someone complaining about antisocial millennials.
6. Do some prep work. If you don’t know where you’re going to college, what you’re majoring in or what you want to do for the rest of your life, make something up and stick to it. This will cut down on unwanted ‘life talks’ from distant family members.
7. Do not take a stance or give your opinion on anything. Smiling and nodding are the best tools for any family gathering.
8. Never announce that you’re leaving to get more food or drink. Family are parasites and will jump at the opportunity to have something brought to them rather than walk the ten feet to the kitchen.
9. Catch up on family drama beforehand. Nothing is more awkward than asking about a relationship only to find out that it failed horribly a few weeks ago.
10. Carbs don’t count on Thanksgiving. Stay sane by stuffing your face.