Dear Delaney: Formal, dating pressure and paranoia
Delaney Jackson, Students Writer
December 14, 2016
My boyfriend of three months has been calling another girl attractive. They text and snapchat all the time, however I do not want to approach him about it because I do not want him to think I am crazy. How do I tell him I’m concerned without seeming possessive and paranoid?
– Losing my mind
First, you need to understand that this worry does not make you crazy! Not in the least. It is normal to have concerns when you see signs of your boyfriend interested in another girl and you should never have to be ashamed of feeling that way.
I think the best option is to simply ask about it without sounding accusatory. If you approach him in a way of curiosity, he will be more likely to listen to you. It is really important to stay calm and ask questions about how he is feeling in the relationship as a whole rather than focusing on what you think he could do better so that he doesn’t feel targeted by you.
This conversation could go many ways so don’t try to predict his response before hand. Let him know that what he is feeling matters to you and honestly share with him what is hurting you right now.
I would really like to go to formal with a guy in one of my classes, but I am just not sure if he has any interest in me. How do I hint to him that I want him to ask me without being too desperate and pushy?
– Dateless
If you really want to go to formal with this guy, be confident! There is no shame in just asking him yourself. I know, this sounds much easier said than done, but it really shows that you know what you want and are willing to get it.
Next time you are talking to him in class, I would suggest dropping the idea of going to formal in a casual way. Hint that you want to go to formal but haven’t found somebody to go with and then, in the next day or so, just ask! It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant but just asking will impress him.
Be prepared for whatever he says and don’t be offended if he is not into the idea of formal. Taking the risk could change your confidence level drastically.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for eight months. Now, when we hang out he tries to get me to do inappropriate things. He understands when I don't want to but then I feel like a disappointment. What should I do?
– Innocent
This situation is very common, but also absolutely unacceptable. You deserve to feel confident about the decisions you choose to make for your body.
Even though he ‘understands’ your choices, he will also be willing to take things as far as he can in a moment of weakness for you. Don’t you want to date a guy who is willing to support and encourage your decisions with your body without having to worry about him taking advantage of you at his first chance?
The first step here is a sincere and full conversation about how you feel on this matter. If you have not already discussed boundaries, you need to ASAP so you understand what to expect from one another. Go into this conversation with your boundaries set and don’t bend them to fit what he wants. You could just have different outlooks on the extent of physical relationships while dating and that is no reason to be upset with each other, you are just looking for different things.
At the end of this conversation, a decision needs to be made. If he is expecting more than you are willing to give, it is time to get out of that relationship. This is not something to joke around with and you need to be proud that you are strong enough to stand up for what you believe is right.
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